Nan's First Visit

On the Saturday night my mum phoned to see if she could come and see us for a bit, as she hadn't seen either of us since we left Larbet which was going into week three.

So Sunday afternoon she arrived on the ward and  just melted when she saw him there lying in his cot.  She smiled she cried she couldn't believe how well he looked, she wasn't really sure what to expect.  I was feeling a lot better about things so we sat and I explained what had happened, it seemed easier to tell someone what had gone on rather that hear it..(hope that makes sense).  She asked what the machines were for what each wire did, I started to feel like an adult and not a scared child that I had felt I had become.  She told me I looked well but tired, and asked how I really was.  Fine I said the worst is over and should be easier from now on in.

She asked if she could hold him as she still hadn't had a cuddle.  That was fine so I picked him up and handed him to her.  She looked so proud and yet sad at the same time, she was trying hard not to cry, she wasn't sure what to feel.  Is this how other people would react to him, or was this just because it was my mum, his nan.  She was the first in the family see him.  Lee and I had made the choice not to let our mum's come and see him when he was in PICU as we didn't want to scare them into thinking that he was worse than what he was and what we had actually been told that he was.  What was the point of scaring people unnecessarily, and have them fret of what could be or what could happen.  Anyone who has been to PICU will know that sometimes it really isn't as bad as it all looks.

I was amazed at how well she took to him, but then why wouldn't she.  She saw a baby her Grandson a perfect bundle of happiness and cuteness that Nan's see. I asked her how she wasn't phased by the wires and beeps she simply said how can you not look at him and see a baby he is beautiful just perfect. So why wasn't I seeing the same, I was seeing wires, machines, numbers,nappy weights,tube flushes,medication times and volumes, new milk volumes, then I saw a baby.  But all the other stuff seem to be at the fore front.

As she enjoyed her cuddles and told me about her journey to Yorkhill Ruadhri had started to cry a little so she done the most natural thing and put him on her shoulder and patted his back, with that I shouted HIS STITCHES she got a fright and said I am sorry I just done what I would normally do.  It was ok it wasn't her fault she after all was just seeing to her Grandson,not going to lie I did get a small amount of amazement from it, but not as much as I was about to get.

Mum was sitting enjoying her Grandson talking to him, rocking him in her arms they looked lovely.  She had commented a few times on how often the alarms would go off around the ward.  Just then I notice Ruaidhri Sat's cuff had come off his toe, and with that the alarm went off.   I said to her What have you done, why is he beeping..With that a look of panic came over her, bless her.  I laughed and told her it was ok it was just his cuff that had come off.  As I sat and laughed she was trying not to be cross and calm herself down.  Looking back now that might have been a bit mean, but I do still laugh at the thought of that day, and still tells me it was mean.

it broke the ice for the rest of the afternoon and it had been the first time in almost three weeks I had laughed without wanting to cry off the back of it.  It got to almost six and the nurses told us we should go and get dinner as they were going to feed him and get him settled.  So I offered mum dinner in the canteen to which she told me NO, and said lets go get some proper dinner.  We went to Lebowski's which if you haven't been is the best burger you will ever have, and they do a mean cocktail.  Although it wasnt far from the hospital I was starting to feel ancy, and kept checking my phone to see if the ward had called.  Mum told me to just relaxing and enjoy my meal, we sat and talked and she said that I need to try and see Ruaidhri as a baby and not an illness, which is easier said than done.  It was nice to sit and chat, I held the tears back as I had done enough of that, and tried to explain to her that this wasn't something that was going to go away and it was hard for me to not see him as a medical condition, after all that is how he had been treated like the past few weeks.  I could see this would be something that would agree to disagree on, but it was still a nice night and for the first time in i don't know how long I had enjoyed a meal.

With that mum went home and I headed back to the hospital, I popped my head in and gave a quick kiss na night and then headed to bed, as I wanted to be back on the ward first thing to have more one to one time with him..