As we got the end of March and the start of April we sat and Lee planned what weekends he would be able to come home, he kept asking would we be alright, course we would was always my reply I will be fine, the honest answer was I had no idea how I would fit everything in my day. But if it came to it me and the kids could live in our PJ's, I could do a shop on line so me and Poppy would still be fed and should they feel the need for fresh air we had the garden. Course this was going to work out.
So off Lee it was the first time that I think I have ever cried when he has left for work, I think maybe it was because I knew that he was going to be away for a month, that was a whole month of having have eyes everywhere, keep poppy amused, be on tube watch, puke watch (neither of which I see the BBC showing). I could do this I would just have to be mega organised and have a plan, a plan to which we would have to stick to down to the last second. (this was the month that OCD became my new and very unwanted friend and something new for me to deal with). I would however need to grow extra arms. Ruaidhri was still on 3 hour bolus feeds, which for two people was manageable for one however it seemed impossible, but it had to be done, so I would crack on.
I had a plan in my head and ready to put into action. During the day just before every feed was due I would have a puke blanket to had, a change of vest and sleep suit(the boy had mastered the art of being sick through the mosses basket where it would land was any ones guess) wet wipes, nappies(he could fill them as soon as a new one had gone on, no wonder he was struggling with weight gain), a bowl of soapy water and a towel (it was easier than running a bath every time) and last but not least his milk, syringe, and my mobile phone as you could guarantee as soon as I would start to feed him the dietitian would ring , or someone about his next delivery or about an appointment, and we were good to go. The good thing was that Ruaidhri weight checks had dropped to twice a week instead of three times a week, but due to the lack of staffing at the medical centre I would have to take him over once a week, which once I had the planned nailed wasn't too much of a drama, unless it pissed down with rain or the medical centre had decided to close for the day and fail to inform any one.
Our night time plan was to get both kids in bed by six Poppy would watch a DVD and I would sit in bed as chucky could be sick at any point of the day. I had even given up trying to second guess when it was coming, and learnt just to look at his face as it would change colour and then he would blow. Even Poppy got to know what his puke face was. Back to the nigh plan, Ruaidhri would usually drop off to sleep about seven which was good as his next feed was nine so I could get a quick sleep in before that. Poppy was usually asleep by half seven eight at the latest. I had started to take a change of bedding and sheets to bed with me because I knew at some point he would redecorate his cot. He was a master and usually waited till the 3am feed to puke through the bars onto the floor and me, every night I would have the same conversation with myself about not having a change of pj's for me and a cloth and spray for the floor. You'd think after the first week I would have learnt.
The first week or so into Lee being away I was doing good, but then tiredness was starting to creep in and I was starting to have mornings where I would just want to cry because I was so tired. The only way to keep the tiredness at bay was not to sit down for too long, so I would keep busy. When I wasn't feeding ruaidhri or bathing him or changing him I would make sure all the washing was dry as soon as it was I would put it away. One day I sat down for too long whilst Poppy was watching telly and Ruaidhri had fallen asleep after wearing himself out after an epic sick, and it happened, I had fallen asleep. Not a deep sleep but all the same, it was the phone ringing that had woke me up. It was my mum asking if I wanted to met her up town with the kids, well that was an easy answer no. She had been on at me as it had been over two weeks since I had gone anywhere. I pointed out that wasn't true as we would walk to the health centre once a week for chucky to be weighed. It was all too much at the moment to take them anywhere with three hourly feeds, and the sickness, and changes of clothes he was going through in a day. Needless to say she wasn't for taking no for an answer so I gave in and said I would see her at the weekend. Which as it turns out was the next day, I had lost track of the day's and my body clock had set itself to feeding times, so I always knew what time it was. Usually by the time I had cleaned him up after being sick and changed him bum from the never ending diarrhoea it was time to do it all over again, I was getting cross at myself for agreeing to go out now. I would need a suitcase not a bloody nappy bag, why wouldn't she listen that it really was a never ending circle. I went up the town and it was a short lived trip as whenever it came to feeding him people would stare, and stare even more when he was throwing up all over the place, and I would have to find a change room and strip him and change him..Even now thinking about going through all that is stressing me out, and mum kept saying stop stressing yourself out. I wanted to shout it was everyone else that was stressing me out, if you all just listened and let me stay at home like I wanted I would be happier. Mum said that she would take poppy home for the night to give me a bit of a rest and time to try and catch up on some sleep, I would go and collect her tomorrow and mum had said she would do lunch. That was nice I thought, at least I wouldn't have to try and think of what to cook for lunch, my brain cells weren't a great gift to me at the best of times but where getting worse by every day due to the lack of sleep. (I did go to mums on the Sunday for lunch and fell asleep on the sofa for an hour).
My health visitor would come round and I would always make a point of putting make up on and making sure the front room was tidy. In fact whenever I was going out I would put a face on, so that people knew I was doing ok and I was coping. I think I was kidding myself more than anything. Everyone kept saying its ok to ask for help, help what did I need help for I was getting through each day and counting them off until Lee was due home. I hadn't missed a feed, appointment, equipment order, I was on top of his meds, and weekly phone calls with the dietitian, I knew everything there was to know, and some. The kids were always washed, clean and healthy(well apart from the chd) and well fed. As long as I stuck to the plan everything was fine. Be warned anyone who got in the way of my routine and times, the world felt like it would come to and end and that was my whole day, week even ruined.
Would send Lee pictures of the kids and keep him up to date with everything that was going on, and reassured him that everything was good, which it was. I didn't want him to worry about how I was feeling and much I could cry some days with being so tired as he had a job to do, he couldn't afford to make mistakes in his job, so I would keep everything to myself. And anyway it was almost the end of April which meant he would be home soon, then I could sleep for a whole day if I wanted (sadly the crazy had already set in and this would not happen).
I was feeling pleased with myself I had learnt how to feed him, and changed his tape at the same time, I had become the master of being able to bolus feed him whilst cooking dinner, I had learnt to shower and dress in five minutes flat, I had even learnt how to time my loo breaks, which mainly involved leaving the door open and having ruaidhri in his car seat, but it was still a plus, I had learnt how to function on four hours sleep a night I was the goddess of multitasking.
I had a plan in my head and ready to put into action. During the day just before every feed was due I would have a puke blanket to had, a change of vest and sleep suit(the boy had mastered the art of being sick through the mosses basket where it would land was any ones guess) wet wipes, nappies(he could fill them as soon as a new one had gone on, no wonder he was struggling with weight gain), a bowl of soapy water and a towel (it was easier than running a bath every time) and last but not least his milk, syringe, and my mobile phone as you could guarantee as soon as I would start to feed him the dietitian would ring , or someone about his next delivery or about an appointment, and we were good to go. The good thing was that Ruaidhri weight checks had dropped to twice a week instead of three times a week, but due to the lack of staffing at the medical centre I would have to take him over once a week, which once I had the planned nailed wasn't too much of a drama, unless it pissed down with rain or the medical centre had decided to close for the day and fail to inform any one.
Our night time plan was to get both kids in bed by six Poppy would watch a DVD and I would sit in bed as chucky could be sick at any point of the day. I had even given up trying to second guess when it was coming, and learnt just to look at his face as it would change colour and then he would blow. Even Poppy got to know what his puke face was. Back to the nigh plan, Ruaidhri would usually drop off to sleep about seven which was good as his next feed was nine so I could get a quick sleep in before that. Poppy was usually asleep by half seven eight at the latest. I had started to take a change of bedding and sheets to bed with me because I knew at some point he would redecorate his cot. He was a master and usually waited till the 3am feed to puke through the bars onto the floor and me, every night I would have the same conversation with myself about not having a change of pj's for me and a cloth and spray for the floor. You'd think after the first week I would have learnt.
The first week or so into Lee being away I was doing good, but then tiredness was starting to creep in and I was starting to have mornings where I would just want to cry because I was so tired. The only way to keep the tiredness at bay was not to sit down for too long, so I would keep busy. When I wasn't feeding ruaidhri or bathing him or changing him I would make sure all the washing was dry as soon as it was I would put it away. One day I sat down for too long whilst Poppy was watching telly and Ruaidhri had fallen asleep after wearing himself out after an epic sick, and it happened, I had fallen asleep. Not a deep sleep but all the same, it was the phone ringing that had woke me up. It was my mum asking if I wanted to met her up town with the kids, well that was an easy answer no. She had been on at me as it had been over two weeks since I had gone anywhere. I pointed out that wasn't true as we would walk to the health centre once a week for chucky to be weighed. It was all too much at the moment to take them anywhere with three hourly feeds, and the sickness, and changes of clothes he was going through in a day. Needless to say she wasn't for taking no for an answer so I gave in and said I would see her at the weekend. Which as it turns out was the next day, I had lost track of the day's and my body clock had set itself to feeding times, so I always knew what time it was. Usually by the time I had cleaned him up after being sick and changed him bum from the never ending diarrhoea it was time to do it all over again, I was getting cross at myself for agreeing to go out now. I would need a suitcase not a bloody nappy bag, why wouldn't she listen that it really was a never ending circle. I went up the town and it was a short lived trip as whenever it came to feeding him people would stare, and stare even more when he was throwing up all over the place, and I would have to find a change room and strip him and change him..Even now thinking about going through all that is stressing me out, and mum kept saying stop stressing yourself out. I wanted to shout it was everyone else that was stressing me out, if you all just listened and let me stay at home like I wanted I would be happier. Mum said that she would take poppy home for the night to give me a bit of a rest and time to try and catch up on some sleep, I would go and collect her tomorrow and mum had said she would do lunch. That was nice I thought, at least I wouldn't have to try and think of what to cook for lunch, my brain cells weren't a great gift to me at the best of times but where getting worse by every day due to the lack of sleep. (I did go to mums on the Sunday for lunch and fell asleep on the sofa for an hour).
My health visitor would come round and I would always make a point of putting make up on and making sure the front room was tidy. In fact whenever I was going out I would put a face on, so that people knew I was doing ok and I was coping. I think I was kidding myself more than anything. Everyone kept saying its ok to ask for help, help what did I need help for I was getting through each day and counting them off until Lee was due home. I hadn't missed a feed, appointment, equipment order, I was on top of his meds, and weekly phone calls with the dietitian, I knew everything there was to know, and some. The kids were always washed, clean and healthy(well apart from the chd) and well fed. As long as I stuck to the plan everything was fine. Be warned anyone who got in the way of my routine and times, the world felt like it would come to and end and that was my whole day, week even ruined.
Would send Lee pictures of the kids and keep him up to date with everything that was going on, and reassured him that everything was good, which it was. I didn't want him to worry about how I was feeling and much I could cry some days with being so tired as he had a job to do, he couldn't afford to make mistakes in his job, so I would keep everything to myself. And anyway it was almost the end of April which meant he would be home soon, then I could sleep for a whole day if I wanted (sadly the crazy had already set in and this would not happen).
I was feeling pleased with myself I had learnt how to feed him, and changed his tape at the same time, I had become the master of being able to bolus feed him whilst cooking dinner, I had learnt to shower and dress in five minutes flat, I had even learnt how to time my loo breaks, which mainly involved leaving the door open and having ruaidhri in his car seat, but it was still a plus, I had learnt how to function on four hours sleep a night I was the goddess of multitasking.
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